Patrick currently resides deep in the suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts. He sucks at sports, can't play any musical instruments, and suffers from crippling anxiety. In his spare time, he can be found trying to beat his best score at Ms. Pacman or passed out on the couch after a tiring day of Law & Order: SVU reruns. His favorite things include television, music, and comedy. He dislikes almost everything else, especially the Tori episodes of Saved by the Bell.

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Posts tagged "american horror story"

On her last attempt at summoning the dead, Zoe Benson’s half-heartedness resulted in a retarded Frankenstein’s monster-esque frat-boy. When she uncovers witch buddy Madison Montgomery locked up as Spalding’s corpse bride in Miss Robichaux’s attic, she decides to take no chances and finds herself the ultimate Deus Ex Machina; swamp hag Misty Day who possesses the ability to undead the recently departed.

It comes at a price though, a sackful of non-perishable items from the Academy’s cupboard; because gnawing on gamey gator meat becomes unpalatable after a while.

American Horror Story Season 3, Episode 6

Somewhere, the surviving Halliwell sisters are counting their blessings they never had to go up against any deadites who couldn’t be vanquished by mumbling some alliterate hiaku-like incantations. When Marie Laveau unleashes a literal hell into the courtyard surrounding Miss Robichaux’s Acamedy, Zoe Benson channels her inner-Ash Williams when she stumbles upon a chainsaw that she uses to trim the limbs from the LaLaurie family tree; and when that runs out of gas, she suddenly learns to summon a deadly aura of power from her mystical vagina to trounce the malevolent forces that are killing her Halloween plans.

American Horror Story Season 3, Episode 5


There has been a horny minotaur lurking in the bushes behind Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, but Spalding the mute caretaker is the one the girls should be installing an extra deadbolt on their bedroom door for. Perhaps it is the way he prances around his bedroom late at night nearly on the verge of going full Buffalo Bill or that it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Spalding could be a distant cousin of Hanson, the badly malformed butler from Scary Movie 2.

Either way, Clairvoyant Nan must have some sort of idea about his masturbatory trysts, but apparently she’s not too big on imaginary Stewie Griffin-esque tea parties.

American Horror Story Season 3, Episode 4