the miseducation of patrick dunn

There was a time in my life when I viewed Justin Timberlake as being one of the most threatening human beings alive. It was more than being subjected to his bland, manufactured pop music, or knowing he was getting blow-jobs from Britney Spears; both I could get over. Instead, it was the awareness of that strange hold he had over my female companions. I viewed him as this contagion that was causing erratic behavior in girls - with symptoms ranging from the tasteless plastering of six thousand magazine clippings on their bedroom walls to those embarrassing self-produced audition tapes for MTV’s FANatic.

Then, somewhere along the way came his first solo album, “Justified,” and it was like the Berlin Wall had come crashing down again. The years of hatred, jealousy, and disdain were slowly beginning to dissolve. I often pinpoint the radio premier of “Rock Your Body,” as being the moment when I was ready to admit to the world that I no longer felt threatened or annoyed by Justin Timberlake. I can even recall a moment where I was driving alone and got through the whole song without ever changing the station. Although, to spare myself embarrassment, I did turn the volume down low at red light stops.

Today, I wonder if the current crop of heterosexual male teenagers will ever share a similar epiphany for Justin Bieber and the way he currently enthralls their female counterparts; or if their misdirected anger will fade into an irrelevancy akin to the days of the not so menacing Nick Lachey and his collection of deep v-neck tees.