February 2012
13 posts
1 tag
i am legend
Just like Jennifer Aniston, this guy has a permanent facial expression where it looks like he’s always smelling shit.
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If the classic children’s book Everyone Poops has taught me anything, it is that everyone poops; even Jamie Lee Curtis. Some are more irregular than others, like Jamie Lee Curtis.
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temple of the dog
Someone needs to commission a spinoff based around the hounds of Downton Abbey and it needs to be animated à la Capital Critters.
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deepest bluest
Big Miracle
I kept waiting for a school of ravenous, badly drawn CGI sharks to show up. It never happened.
ninja rap
Female Iranian ninjas. What can’t they do?
2 tags
lopsided
Some great characters roamed the hallways of my high school, but the girl with one leg was the most memorable. Even though God dealt her a shitty hand by not allowing her a limb below her femur, she still radiated an upbeat and joyful personality as she limped around campus on her peg leg. I could never remember her real name, but I lovingly nicknamed her The Buccaneer and always envisioned a...
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embrace the chaos
Super Bowl Sunday:
We used to revel in the streets, haunt hipster bars before we even knew they were hipster bars, pool our money together to buy dollar pitchers of shitty tasting draft beer, steal plates of appetizers off other tables, bump chests with total strangers, share fuzzy memories of Janet Jackson’s nipple, watch a group of Northeastern students flip over some yuppie’s...
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1 tag
hoodoo voodoo
Some years back, my friend was cruising down the vitamin aisle at the local druggist’s shop and a bottle of Ginkgo Biloba was staring her down. The label had some promising claims printed right on the side, like “Enhance Your Memory and Prevent Memory Loss!” She grabbed a few bottles and skipped all the way home to share with the household.
Later that night, the lot of us...